...a wake-up call.

I don't have a cool picture (ED. Yeah I do.) sorry. I guess that means I fail the whole picture a day thing. I have a story though...

We had presentations and demonstrations for honours today. Mine went pretty well, I think. There were 3 projects in my section, and it turns out there's a prize. It was pretty clear who was going to win, though we were all doing the classic Aussie talk-yourself-down thing. But, even though I spent the whole time saying 'nah, I'm not going to get the prize,' there was this part of me thinking, 'I've worked hard on this project. Maybe I will win. Maybe...'

I didn't win. The project that did was great (they all were really). And for a bit I was actually kinda upset. That's weird, I thought.
Then tonight our bible study discussion topic thing at youth group was addiction. We were talking about all the different things you can be addicted to and the reasons behind them. Someone brought up being addicted to the approval of others.
Bam.
It hit me.
As much as I say it, as much as I tell myself I don't really care what other people think of me... I'm still really addicted to approval. As much as I know in my head that God's is the only opinion that matters (and I know he loves me), I want people to acknowledge when I do good stuff. To like me. I want to be called out from the crowd, to get a silly certificate I'll never look at again. I am totally addicted to the feeling of the world calling me special.

So yeah. I guess that's something I really need to work on. Realising that I am special and that I don't need the world to tell me that. That my work doesn't need to be rewarded with accolades all the time. And I need Jesus to 'quench my thirst', to fulfil that desire in me, as cliche as that might sound, because he's the only one who can.
I don't know if I've explained this very well, but I'm thankful for the wake-up calls God sends me. I don't want to doze my way through life. Also sorry if this seems preach-y or anything. It's not. It's just how I feel.